Be careful what you wish for….. A guy found a magic lamp and naturally, rubbed it. The genie popped out and said, “I’ll grant you any wish you want.” The guy thought and thought and finally gave his answer, “I want to be hard all the time and get all the ass I want.” “As [...]
Archive for February, 2012
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He [...]
A young man (and former Occupy Wall Streeter) hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.” “But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied [...]
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Unique Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. “What’s your Unique Breakfast?” he asked inquisitively. “Baked tongue of chicken!” she proudly replied. “Baked tongue of chicken?… baked tongue of [...]
Remembrance Day was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.” One little boy came walking up to her from the back [...]
Antonio came home from school one day and walked into the kitchen. His grandma Carlita asked him, “Antonio, what did you learn in school today?” Antonio replied, “Well, we learned about penises, and vaginas, and sexual intercourse, and masturbation.” Grandma hauled off and slapped Antonio, hard. He ran up to his room, crying. Antonio’s mother [...]
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, “My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?” The second old lady replied, “Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! [...]
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old woman, entered the doctor’s office. “We have come for an examination” said the young girl. “All right,” said the doctor. “Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.” “No, not me” said the girl. “It’s my aunt here.” “Very well,” said the doctor. “Madam, stick [...]
A man goes to his doctor and says. “Doc, I have a problem. My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday. I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all.” The doctor says “You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a [...]
A preacher was really hitting his stride one Sunday, delivering a sermon on sin. “Is there anyone here who is without SIN?” he shouted, glowering at the congregation. Embarrassed parishioners stirred nervously in their seats, but no one stood. Feeling he really had them this time, the preacher said, “Is there anyone here who thinks [...]
